I'm only almost nineteen and I've already been studying for sixteen years. I've always been a good student with good marks, done what I had to and when I had to, and haven't complained. But at the age of sixteen my marks began to go down till the point I had to retake a year. And I am still asking myself why.
Maybe because I began to be myself, maybe because I felt like I wasn't doing what I really liked, maybe because I wanted to change. Maybe in the future I will know the answer, I hope.
I've had so many diferent subjects in all my live: maths, English, spanish language and literature, French, biology, history, physical education, philosophy, physics, chemistry, geography, geology, social studies, arts, music,etc. And the funny thing is that I've only liked a few of them (and not all the subject, only a specific unit) and not that much to want to study something related to it.
Yes, I like arts because I feel like I can expres myself without having to care about anyone else, I like history because you can relate with someone who lived years ago and what happed to be where we are now, I like genetics because you can know why we are how we are, I like to write because you can express and say what you want and be anywhere. And above anything I love music, you can express everything with a simple melody and some lyrics. But what I am going to do with all of this.
I have to study all of this without even like it and not only study, I also need good marks! I feel anxious and like I wanted to throw everything away. Inside you feel like you have to go to university because everybody go or study something because everybody do. But how do you know what? How do you know where? How DO you know? Because I really want to know. You can fell like you have to because of your parents or family or friends and you are puss to do it
No, I want to say no. I want to go to class one day happy because I'm study something that I really like (and not because I'm going to see my friends haha). I want to go to class thinking that I'll use what I'm learning in real life somehow. I already want to do what I really like without feeling bad for it and like I can't say it outloud.
I want to do some photography, make up, fashion or alimentation course just becouse I love all of these.
I want to live in UK or Ireland for a year being an aupair because it's a good way to learn the language without spending lots of money (I can't aford it, I'm not rich haha). At some point I want to live with a friend in New York (because both of us love it) and travel all arourd Europe and the world. Then I want to move to Australia being a spanish native speaker teacher in some language school (and don't get me wong, I love Europe so much). I want to come back Spain every summer to see my family and old friends. Perhaps it's a normal and simple life, but I don't want to be remembered as a important person, I just want to be happy. I know it's so much to ask for, but this is my dream.
I just want to do what I want without thinking about others and you all should too. Let's be happy doing whatever you are happy with. Sorry this is a lot more personal post but you don't have to read it if you don't want, but I really wanted to put my thoughts somewhere and this is the perfect place. Please let me a comment about how do you fell about this topic and what do you really want to do, I'd love to read them all. Thank you :) xx
